


Let Go Of Your Heart, Let Go Of Your Head

by Harryskiwiposes



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: (not b/w H&L), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Harry, Bottom Louis, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Minor Character Death, Pining, Smut, Top Harry, Top Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 15:14:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15367404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harryskiwiposes/pseuds/Harryskiwiposes
Summary: “Two minutes? I’ve given you seven months Harry. What could you possibly have to say to me in two minutes that you couldn’t tell me this whole entire time we’ve been fucking?”Harry pulls Louis in a little closer. “I love you.”Louis starts to cry. “You asshole. Don’t you dare. Don’t just tell me what I want to hear. Just stop.”Or - What starts as a one night stand between two broken hearts leads to something more. Could it be love?





	Let Go Of Your Heart, Let Go Of Your Head

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when I drink too much wine and decide it's a good idea to open a new google doc.
> 
> Title comes from "Babylon" by David Gray.
> 
> I own nothing except the words (and mistakes - there are bound to be a lot!) written below.
> 
> Please do not repost this anywhere. I am not allowing for any reposts or translations. Thank you for understanding.
> 
> NOTE - there is implied/referenced cheating in this fic. I know that cheating can be a trigger (especially for me) so please be cautioned.
> 
> Without further ado....
> 
> Enjoy!

“What’re you drinking?”

Harry stops running his finger around the top of the empty glass that’s been sitting in front of him for the last ten minutes. He is so not in the fucking mood for pick-up lines right now. All he wanted to do was to come to his favorite bar and have a drink, maybe two, then go home and pass out, forgetting all about the shitty day he’s had.

“Listen, I -” He starts to say and then pauses when he looks up to his left and catches the eye of the man that’s just about to sit down on the stool next to him.

He turns towards the man, his body seemingly having a mind of its own at the moment.

Amanda, the cheery blonde bartender comes over to take the man’s order. Harry’s been a patron at this bar for a few months and has come to be familiar with her during that time. She is always so damn happy - which sometimes Harry likes, often times he doesn’t. She tried flirting with Harry on one or two occasions before he finally had to tell her that he’s gay. Ever since then she’s tried to play matchmaker for him, tried to hook him up with other patrons. She’s been unsuccessful so far. Tonight she’s extra cheerful at the sight of this mystery man sitting down next to Harry and he knows that she’s dying to try her hand at matchmaking again as she asks in her bubbliest voice, “what’ll it be?”

The man, still staring at Harry, raises his eyebrows ever so slightly and cocks his head a little to the left as he waits for Harry’s answer to his question.

“Screwdriver.” Harry responds, not pulling his eyes away, he pushes his empty glass towards Amanda.

The man smiles, no smirks. Yes, that is definitely a smirk. He just fucking smirked.

He looks away after a moment, towards the bartender and says to her, “make it two.”

“Comin’ right up.” And with that she sets to work making the two men their drinks.

The man turns his attention back to Harry. Thank god that he does, because Harry wants to take in the man’s features all over again.

He’s got blue eyes. But not just any blue - they’re ocean blue. And they sparkle. Sparkly ocean blue eyes that Harry wants to get hopelessly lost in.

His nose slopes slightly, but his side profile is one that artists long to paint and sculptors long to sculpt.

His lips are perfect. Pink and perfect, his top lip is a little smaller than his bottom lip. On anyone else it would look weird and attention-drawing, but on him it makes Harry want to lick and nip and bite and kiss those perfectly pink lips.

But the one feature that sticks out the most to Harry are the man’s eyelashes. Beautiful, long, and sweeping over the top of his cheeks every time he blinks. They just might be his favorite thing about the man. So far.

Harry commits the man’s features to memory, although he knows that without a doubt he will be going home with this man by the end of the night. Which is a good thing because he needs the distraction, his life has sucked for the past eight months and he could use a little bit of good, even if it’s just for the night. What’s another one night stand in a long line of them anyway, right?

Harry moves his eyes down the man’s body. He’s wearing a pair of black skinny jeans that Harry is sure shows off all of his curves - what a shame that he’s sitting and Harry wasn’t able to get a good look at his curves before he sat down. His shirt is black, shimmery, sheer and Harry can make out tattoos covering his chest. God damn would Harry love to run his tongue and his fingertips over every inch of inked skin.

“What was that?” Harry asks, completely embarrassed that he’s been staring at this man’s face and body and missed what he just said.

The man smiles, knowingly. “I said, I’ve never seen you in here before, are you new to the area?”

“I have to be honest, I’m not impressed with your pick up lines.”

“Oh, well I didn’t realize I was using any. Thought it was called ‘striking up a conversation.’ But it’s fine, I understand.”

Amanda walks over and places a glass in front of each man. The mystery man hands her his credit card and asks her to open a tab for him, before turning his attention back to Harry.

“So sorry for bothering you.” He takes his glass. “Have a good night.” He slowly slides off the bar stool.

Harry silently curses himself for being such a dick. “Wait.”

The man turns around to face Harry. “I’m sorry for being a jerk, I’ve just had a really shitty day and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Stay. Please.”

He sits back down, his body turned sideways, facing Harry completely. “I’m sorry to hear about the shit day, do you want to talk about it?” He asks as he takes a long sip of his drink.

Harry watches him swallow and can’t help but have inappropriate thoughts. Sue him, he hasn’t had sex in a few weeks. Damn has it really been that long?

“Please stop apologizing. Also, why would you want to hear about my crappy day? You don’t even know me.” Harry responds, taking a sip from his drink. Wow, Amanda made them strong. She’s obviously trying to hook them up tonight.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Oh because there are probably a dozen other guys in this room with more interesting stories to tell than the shitty day they had at their shitty job with their shitty boss.”

The man looks directly at Harry and says, “but I don’t wanna hear theirs, I wanna hear yours.”

Harry searches the man’s face for any sign of playfulness or teasing, but all he can find is honesty and sincerity.

“Why?”

The man sighs. “You obviously have trust issues, don’t you?”

Harry laughs. “What’re you a therapist? Gonna diagnose me?”

He smiles back at Harry. “Nope, just a boring ol’ high school math teacher I’m afraid.”

“And you dress like that? Must be a pretty popular class.” Harry feels his face redden as soon as the words leave his mouth.

“Well I don’t dress like this for class, but I’d like to think I’m pretty popular for my teaching skills. So tell me about your crappy day.”

And that’s when he does it. The man brings his right hand up to his forehead and gently brushes the strands of hair that have fallen back into place. It is the single most beautiful, daintiest, loveliest thing that Harry has ever seen and in an instant Harry starts telling him all about the crappy day he’s just had.

****

Two screwdrivers later and Louis is feeling pretty damn good. Not quite buzzed. Just pretty damn good. He doesn’t want to overdo it and get so drunk that he can’t remember this night because this has been the best night that he’s had in a really, really long time. And it has the potential to get even better.

He’s been talking with the man in the bright pink polka dot button down shirt for a while and Louis is hoping that someone will make the next move to take their night to the next level.

Louis’ never done this before. He never walks up to strangers at bars and starts conversations. He never has one night stands. He’s had one relationship that ended because the guy moved away for business. He’s more the online dating type - safe, hiding behind a screen. Cautious. But that’s gotten tedious and boring lately and hasn’t led to anything in a really, really long time. He needs excitement in his life, preferably soon, preferably tonight, preferably with this man sitting next to him.

When Louis first walked into the bar he was so nervous, all he wanted to do was get wasted to forget about this stupid plan that he had come up with. But then he spotted that shirt and just found himself walking over and sitting down next to the man wearing it.

And of course the cheesiest of lines came out, because why would his brain cooperate with his mouth tonight of all nights? But somehow it worked because at this very moment Louis has his knee in between the man’s legs and the man’s left hand on his thigh.

They’ve been sitting at the bar talking for a while and Louis hasn’t been able to take his eyes off the man. He has brown hair pulled back into a bun with a few strands falling loose. And the greenest eyes Louis has even seen. Emerald. Hypnotizing. And Louis can’t get enough of them.

He’s got the tiniest bit of scruff, a bit of a five o’clock shadow and Louis wants to feel it all over his body.

Then there’s the smile. Jesus. When he smiles, that’s when the dimple comes out and it’s a good thing Louis is sitting down, since that dimple has made Louis weak in the knees on more than one occasion so far.

The pink shirt would look stupid and ridiculous on anyone else, but on this man? It works. It’s unbuttoned more than halfway, showing off several tattoos that decorate the man’s chest. Louis wants to lick them and run his fingertips all over them. Now.

Louis would love nothing more than to go home with this handsome stranger, he just isn’t sure how to make that happen. How does one go about asking for a one night stand?

“But then I told him that….hey, you ok?” The man stops talking and gives Louis a questioning look.

Louis sighs. “Yeah...I just….I really want…I really want to kiss you right now. So I’m going to kiss you and if you don’t want me to then you’re going to have to stop me because I really want to -“

Before Louis can finish, the man’s lips are on his and they’re wet and warm and perfect.

Louis feels the man’s right hand cupping his face, brushing his cheek and Louis finds himself leaning forward.

He willingly opens his mouth as the man begins licking into it. He can’t help but bring his right hand up to the back of the man’s neck, gripping him tight, pulling him in close.

Louis tilts his head to the right as he deepens their kiss, intertwining their tongues.

Suddenly they hear Amanda. “So I’ve closed out your tab since it doesn’t look like you’ll be drinking anymore. At least not from the bar.” She walks away, leaving Louis’ credit card on the bar.

They pull apart and neither says anything for a moment. Then Louis speaks. “Come home with me?” It’s quiet, soft. It’s not so much a question as it is a plea.

The man nods and slides off the stool as Louis grabs his credit card and follows the bright pink shirt out of the bar.

****

The door unlocks and Harry walks in.

As soon as the door closed, Harry is pushed against it. His back hits the door and then lips are on his. He hears keys hitting the floor and grabs at the man’s shirt hem, breaking their kiss to tug it up over his head and tossing it to the side.

He captures the man’s lips again and runs his fingertips along the tattoos adorning the man’s chest.

He feels fingers working, undoing the remaining buttons on his shirt as he dips his tongue into the man’s mouth. The man opens his mouth willingly, allowing Harry better access.

The shirt is unbuttoned and open wide, fingertips caressing his chest. Harry shrugs the shirt off, letting it fall to his feet.

The kiss is broken as the man pulls away, whispering “I want to see you. All of you.”

Harry leans his head back against the door as kisses are lightly pressed to the tattoos on his chest. He feels licks as the man works his way down Harry’s chest to his stomach.

All of a sudden Harry feels the button and zipper of his jeans being undone and hands are slid inside, grabbing his dick.

“Fuck!”

Harry hadn’t realized how hard he was, but feeling hands slowly sliding up and down his dick, he is embarrassed at how close he is to coming. And his dick isn’t even out of his pants yet.

The man has made his way down to Harry’s waistband and is now on his knees in front of Harry, pulling his pants down and helping Harry step out of them and his shoes, throwing everything aside.

All of a sudden the man takes Harry’s hard dick into his mouth and Harry has to literally bite his bottom lip to stop from coming instantly.

The man begins working his mouth up and down, picking up the pace and bringing his left hand up to cup Harry’s balls while his right hand grabs Harry’s ass.

Harry runs his fingers through the man’s hair, resting them on the back of his neck, restraining himself from fucking into the man’s mouth.

“Fuck, oh fuck.”

The man picks up the pace. “Oh god, I’m gonna...fuck!”

Harry comes down the man’s throat with a final yell. He pulls off and licks the shaft and the tip before standing up.

“God damn that mouth of yours.” Harry says before licking into the man’s mouth, tasting himself.

Harry turns them and now the man’s back is against the door. He grabs the back of the man’s thighs, lifting him up. Legs are wrapped around his waist, arms around his neck.

“Bedroom?” Harry asks, breaking their kiss.

“Last door on the left” is the answer as the man kisses down Harry’s neck, sucking a bruise into the juncture with his collarbone. Harry walks them both down the hallway, kicking the door closed behind them.

He lays the man down on the bed and peels his jeans off, throwing them onto the floor.

****

Louis feels lips on his ankle and his dick throbbing. He reaches out and grabs at the blanket under him as the man begins kissing up his leg, sucking a bruise into his inner thigh.

He feels licks along his shaft, causing him to moan. “Fuck, don’t stop.”

The man takes him into his mouth and it takes everything Louis has in him not to come immediately. “God damn.”

The man continues bobbing up and down a few times before pulling off and looking up at Louis. Louis looks over to the nightstand and the man reaches over, rummaging through the top drawer, pulling out what he needs.

He hears the bottle of lube open and throws his head back as the man circles a finger around his entrance. Then slowly inserts the tip. He pauses and then pushes further inside Louis. He starts thrusting in and out, slowly adding a second finger, while taking Louis into his mouth again.

“Oh god….god.” Louis moans out.

The man twists his fingers, scissoring them, finger fucking Louis and Louis can feel himself getting close. And when the man adds a third finger, Louis has to pinch his arm to stop himself from coming.

The thrusts have picked up in pace and just then the man crooks his finger and hit Louis’ prostate. “Fuck! Fuck. Right….oh.”

The man pulls off with a pop and kisses up Louis’ stomach before pulling his fingers out. He reaches over and grabs the condom, opening it and rolling it over his rock hard dick. He drizzles more lube onto his fingers and rubs them over his dick and Louis’ entrance before lining himself up and slowly pushing inside.

“Wait.” Louis leans up onto his elbows and looks at the man. “What’s your name?” He looks puzzled and then Louis adds. “I need to know what name to call out.”

He smirks and then says. “Harry. My name’s Harry.” He pushes into Louis, causing him to drop onto the bed and arch his back, grabbing the blanket, the sheets, the headboard. Anything to help ground himself.

Once Harry has bottomed out, Louis wraps his legs around Harry’s waist and Harry leans forward, putting a hand on either side of Louis’ head.

Harry begins moving his hips, fucking into Louis. “God you feel so amazing. So tight for me. Taking me so well. I could fuck you all night.” He kisses Louis’ jaw and sucks at his neck, creating a bruise that’s sure to last for days.

“Fuck Harry, harder, fuck me harder.”

Harry complies and begins thrusting hard, making Louis moan even louder.

“Harry….don’t stop….right there. Oh god, I’m gonna….Harry I’m gonna come.”

Harry breaks away from Louis’ neck. “That’s it, come for me baby. Let me feel you.” He looks down at Louis and says “you are the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. You’re so good for me, aren’t you? So, so good.”

Harry’s words and the pressure on his prostate cause Louis to tumble and come all over the both of them. Feeling Louis clench around him causes Harry to follow and he comes into the condom, pushing deeper inside Louis and moaning out.

They’re both silent for a few moments, catching their breath. Harry kisses Louis and gently pulls out of him. Louis winces as Harry tells him “I know, I know.”

Harry climbs off the bed and heads to the bathroom to clean up and get a towel for Louis but by the time he comes back, Louis is already asleep.

****

Harry contemplates staying, he really does.

The man looks so peaceful, so beautiful and it would be so easy to just climb into bed next to him and snuggle up to him.

But Harry can’t. Won’t.

He doesn’t do sleepovers, that’s his first unwritten rule.

And so he gently cleans the man off, tossing the towel into the hamper in the corner and pulls the blankets over him. He brushes the fringe off of the man’s forehead and then slowly, quietly gets dressed.

He locks up the front door as he leaves, pausing in the hallway. He’s had a string of one night stands and they’ve always been the same, yet this one feels different.

He exits the apartment building and walks out into the cool May night, trying to shake off the empty feeling he has inside.

****

Louis wakes up to an empty bed.

He had stupidly hoped that Harry would stay over, but now he’s kicking himself for even thinking that. One night stands don’t stay the night, right? That was the first one night stand Louis had ever had, so he isn’t sure what the exact protocol is. Should he have asked Harry to stay over? Harry probably thought it was rude that Louis fell asleep. Or maybe he thought it was a good thing, so he could sneak out without having to have the awkward talk afterwards.

He looks around his apartment and doesn’t see any note, any trace that Harry was even there, except the huge bruise on his neck and the ache in his ass. Harry didn’t leave his number, hell Harry hadn’t even asked him for his name. _Stop it Louis, it was a one night stand, that’s all. Get over it, he probably has._

He showers and gets ready for the day, trying to shake off the empty feeling he has inside.

****

“Harry! So glad you could make it!” His sister Gemma leans over and kisses him on the cheek.

“It’s my only niece’s birthday, of course I could make it.”

“She’s in the living room, playing with some of her friends if you want to go and say hi.”

“In a minute.” He places his gift for Lily onto the kitchen table with all of the others.

Gemma looks at him. “Hey, you ok?”

He nods. “Yea, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just seem….I don’t know….you seem sad.” Gemma is the perfect sister and Harry knows that he should open up to her more. She’d never judge him or his strings of drunken one night stands. But for some reason, he finds himself telling her time and time again that he’s fine.

She looks a lot like him, or he looks a lot like her since she’s the oldest. She’s got shoulder length brown hair and the same wide green eyes that he does. She a bit paler than Harry, but that’s probably because she spends all her time indoors, raising Lily and being an amazing stay-at-home wife and mother.

He looks at his sister. She’s probably the only person who truly knows him, maybe it’s because she’s only two years older than him, maybe it’s because they practically raised themselves while their mother was off trying to find love.

“Listen,” she continues, “I know it’s none of my business, but I’m really worried about you. I know that you haven’t had the best couple of months since...well, you know. But I just feel like things haven’t gotten any better for you and I...I just want you to know, that I’m here. If you want to talk or if you want to vent or cry, I’m here.”

Harry wraps his arms around her and kisses the top of her head. She has always been his biggest cheerleader, his biggest fan, his biggest supporter. And he’s not sure what he would do without her, or her husband Liam, or their daughter Lily.

“Thanks Gems, that means a lot. And I’m really ok. But I’ll keep you in mind for the next time, ok?”

He looks around the kitchen and can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy. Her refrigerator is lined with pictures of Lily at the park, at the beach, at the zoo. Pictures that Lily’s drawn at pre-school. Colorful alphabet magnets that spell out ‘mom’ and ‘Lily’ are scattered towards the bottom.

The sink is full of dirty dishes that Gemma’s used to bake Lily a birthday cake and the shelf is lined with cookbooks that Harry knows Gemma uses to cook her family home-cooked meals every night.

He’s jealous, but he’s also extremely happy and proud of the woman that Gemma’s grown into. She’s found love and that’s the one thing that Harry had been afraid their mother had ruined for Gemma. Harry could live without love, but Gemma? She deserved love and a family and the world.

Their mother practically abandoned them when Harry was just 16, Gemma 18. She had jumped from relationship to relationship, from marriage to marriage, always chasing the next great love of her life. And she thought that she had found it in Ben. He treated her well, keyword being ‘her’ as he didn’t care for Harry or Gemma much and when he gave their mother an ultimatum - him or them, well to her the choice was easy.

Neither Harry nor Gemma had heard from her in years. The last contact they had from her was an invitation to wedding six? Or was it seven? Harry had lost track. They didn’t respond and that was the last correspondence either of them had had.

Harry sometimes wondered what his life would be like if he had had a different mother. Maybe he’d be settled down, maybe he’d have a husband and child. Maybe he’d have what Gemma has.

“Uncle Harry! Uncle Harry!” He’s snapped back into reality as he looks to the doorway of the kitchen and sees his four year-old niece running towards him. He lets go of Gemma and scoops Lily up into this arms.

“Hey babes. Happy birthday kiddo. How does it feel to be four?”

“The same as three.”

Harry laughs, “Yeah, just wait until you’re older. They all kind of run together.”

“Harry! Is that you? Come in here, there’s someone I want you to meet.” Liam calls from the living room.

“Oh brother. Let’s go see what the man wants, shall we Lils?”

“Daddy has a new friend.” She says as he carries her out of the kitchen and into the living room. “He’s really cute. Maybe you can marry him and have puppies so I can come over and play with them, since mommy won’t let me have any puppies. But if you had puppies then I could play with them all the time, right Uncle Harry? You’d let me play with your puppies, right?”

He kisses her forehead. “You can play with my puppies anytime you want baby girl. Now let’s go see how cute daddy’s new friend actually is.”

****

“Did you say Harry?”

Liam nods. “Yeah, my brother-in-law Harry. He’s a really great guy, loves Lily to pieces. I think you’ll like him.”

Louis panics. _It can’t be Harry from last night, right? There are plenty of other Harry’s. There’s Harry Potter. Prince Harry. Yeah, I guess that’s all I can think of. Ok, Louis get your shit together, so what if it’s Harry from last night. Be a fucking adult and do not freak out. It’s a different Harry. It has to be._

Louis smiles. “I’m sure I will. What did you say he did?”

Liam takes a sip from his beer. “I don’t think I did, but he’s a journalist for the DC Herald. Politics. Even though he hates it and I keep telling him he should go back to college and get his teaching degree. He’d be an excellent English teacher. Or write a book, he started it once but then abandoned it. But he’s -“

Louis has tuned Liam out. Ok, so it’s definitely the same Harry from last night. Louis heard all about Harry’s crappy day and the fight that Harry had had with his boss, the editor of the DC Herald. There couldn’t possibly be two Harrys who wrote for the paper could there?

Louis question is answered when he sees the tall man walk into the living room, carrying the birthday girl.

_Thanks universe._

“Harry! This is Louis. He’s the new math teacher at the high school. Louis, this is Harry, my brother-in-law and uncle extraordinaire.

Lily whispers something into Harry’s ear and he nods, putting her down so she can run to rejoin her friends. He walks over and holds out his hand for Louis. “Nice to meet you.”

Louis shakes it and responds, “yeah, you too.”

“Liam! Can you come help me please?” Gemma calls from the kitchen.

“Coming!” He turns to Harry and Louis. “Duty calls.” He walks out of the living room, leaving Harry and Louis alone.

“Nice to meet you? Really?” Louis says, rolling his eyes.

“What was I supposed to say? ‘Oh I already know Louis, he gave me the best blowjob of my life last night and then I fucked him for an hour.’ And besides, it is nice to meet you since I didn’t get your name last night.”

“You never asked. I should go. I don’t want to -“

“Please stay. I’d really like it if you stayed.”

****

“Fuck Louis! Right there baby, right there. Oh god, yes, fuck, yes.”

Louis grinds down on Harry as Harry thrusts up. Louis places his hands on Harry’s chest and Harry grabs Louis’ hips. “You feel so good, so amazing.”

Harry brushes against Louis’ prostate and sends Louis spiraling over the edge, coming all over Harry’s stomach and chest. Harry follows a moment later, with a thrust and a loud moan.

Louis collapses onto Harry, not caring about anything but being close to him.

Harry gently pulls out and rolls them over, kissing Louis as he climbs off the bed and heads to the bathroom.

He returns a few minutes later with a towel for Louis.

“Stay.” Louis whispers as he fell asleep.

Harry takes one last look at Louis before leaving the apartment. “I wish I could.”

****

“Harry, harder. Fuck me harder. Right…oh god.”

Harry thrusts into Louis, who’s grabbed onto the headboard as he comes untouched for the second time.

Harry comes a few moments later and leans over, capturing Louis’ lips.

“I don’t want you to leave. Stay.” He says, breaking the kiss and looking up at Harry. “Please.”

“Lou-“

“We’ve been fucking for months and you never stay. Just this once. I promise I’ll never ask again.”

Harry slowly pulls out of Louis and sits down next to him. “You know what we agreed to.”

Louis sits up. “I know the whole friends with benefits thing, I know. Just….” His voice trails off. “Just forget it.” He climbs off the bed and heads for the bathroom. A moment later Harry hears the shower water start.

Louis stands underneath the water, willing himself not to cry. He knew what he was getting into when he agreed to sleep with Harry. He knew the terms of their agreement. His head knew anyway. His heart? That was a different story.

His heart now belonged to Harry.

****

“Hey! Haven’t seen you in here in a while. How’s it going? Regular?”

“Just a vodka, hold the oj.” Harry says to Amanda as she nods and goes to pour him his drink.

He runs his fingers through his hair and sighs. He couldn’t get the sad look on Louis’ face out of his mind. It had been three days and he was avoiding Louis. He knew it was cowardly, but he just needed to take a step back.

They had been sleeping together for the past five months but he felt things escalating.

It had started slowly. Ordering take out one night. Watching a movie another. Even meeting up for dinner after Harry had had a shitty day at the office. It had ended with Harry fucking Louis over his kitchen counter, pants around his knees because he couldn’t wait to be inside Louis.

Harry needed to put a stop to their arrangement. He doesn’t do love and it felt like Louis wanted things to move to the next level and Harry could not let that happen.

But god damn he enjoyed his time with Louis. And granted the sex was amazing, Louis was just as adventurous as he was but it needed to end. It had been going on for too long already.

Harry knew what needed to be done, but could he really break Louis’ heart?

****

“Hey! What are you doing here?” Louis reaches up to kiss Harry and is taken aback when it wasn’t reciprocated.

“I just….I needed to talk to you.”

“Come in, everything ok? Oh shit, hold that thought, I have a lasagna in the oven that needs to come out. Go and make yourself at home, be right back.” Louis bounced out of the living room as Harry watches him go. This is going to be harder than he thought.

Louis takes the lasagna out and cleans up the kitchen a little, on the off chance Harry wants to fuck him on the table or over the counter or even on the floor like that one time they had had too much tequila and couldn’t make it to the bedroom.

He piles some lasagna onto a plate and pours a glass of water and brings them both into Harry who’s seated on the couch.

“Here you go.” He says, handing them to Harry.

“Lou, you didn’t have to-“

“Well I know there is now way you’ve eaten already, you’ve probably come straight from work. And I doubt you’ve eaten lunch - and chips from the vending machine don’t count, so eat.”

Harry does as he’s told. “Damn this is really good Lou, thanks.” Harry smiles over at Louis who sits down on the chair next to the couch.

“You’re welcome. So what’s going on? You said you needed to talk? Is it work again? I hate that you’re so unhappy there. I wish you’d reconsider working on your novel. I know that you think you’re not talented, but you are and you shouldn’t be wasting away at that stupid newspaper. Or maybe you could-“

“C’mere.” Harry says as he places the plate of food onto the coffee table in front of him.

Louis gets up and walks over to Harry, who placees his hands on Louis hips, pulling him down.

Louis straddles Harry’s legs, running his fingers through Harry’s hair.

They look at each other for a few moments, neither saying a word. The look in Harry’s eyes says it all to Louis.

He leans over and crashes his lips onto Harry’s, who runs his hands up the back of Louis’ shirt, pulling him closer.

Louis moans into Harry’s mouth as he feels Harry’s dick throbbing underneath him.

Harry stands slowly, Louis wrapping his legs around Harry’s waist as he walks them down to the bedroom, the plate of unfinished lasagna long forgotten.

****

“Wait what?”

“I’ve been sleeping with Louis for six months.”

Gemma sits down across from Harry at her kitchen table. She had been ecstatic when he called her and asked if he could come over to talk to her. He needed his big sister.

“Since the night before Lily’s party.”

“So you knew him already? When Liam introduced you?”

Harry nods. “But it’s not like I could say anything, especially with a lot of four year old ears running around.

“And this has been going on for six months? Do you? Harry do you love him?”

“What? No! Of course not! It’s just sex for christ’s sakes.”

“So then why do you look so sad?”

Harry sighs. “Because I have to break Louis’ heart.”

“What? Why would you do that?”

“He’s fallen for me, he hasn’t come out and said it, but it’s pretty apparent. He keeps begging me to stay the night, he cooks for me, supports me, I need to end it.”

She reaches across the table, taking Harry’s hands into hers. “Baby, you do not have to do this. Let yourself be happy. You deserve to be happy and if Louis is making you happy, why would you want to deny yourself of that?”

“I need to break it off before he does.”

“What makes you think he’s going to break it off? Has he said something? Indicated it?”

“No.” Harry says softly, feeling the tears forming. “He’s...Gemma he’s wonderful. And he’s wonderful to me. And that’s why he deserves to be with someone who can make him happy, who can love him.”

“Why can’t that be you?”

“What if he breaks my heart?”

She squeezes his hands. “What if he doesn’t? What if Louis is the one? Look, I know that you’ve been burned. First by our mother and then by James - I know that it is difficult for you to open your heart and trust someone. I know. Which is why I know it’s scary. You’ve fallen for Louis, I can tell and I can tell that you’re anxious and nervous and scared and terrified - but ask yourself one question - is Louis worth it?”

Harry doesn’t respond, just closes his eyes and sighs.

****

“Harder. Harder. Yes. Harder.”

Louis is on his hand and knees on the bed and Harry is behind him pounding into him.

He can feel Harry’s grip on his hips tightening and knows that he’s close to coming. And he does a few moments later, gently pulling out of Louis and heading to the bathroom.

He comes back several minutes later and helps Louis clean himself off.

Louis grabs his hand and looks up at him. “Stay.”

Harry doesn’t respond right away. So Louis tries again.

“Please Harry, just this one. Please stay with me. I just...I don’t want to be alone. Not tonight.”

He looks away, willing the tears not to fall. He promised himself he wouldn’t do this but yet here he is, practically begging Harry to stay.

He just needs to have Harry hold him once, just for tonight. He can’t be alone, not tonight. But then he’ll never ask again.

“Ok” comes the answer, not much louder than a whisper. “I’ll stay.”

Louis throws his arms around Harry. “Thank you.”

They settle into bed together, Harry’s arms wrapped around Louis’s waist, Louis’ back to Harry.

“You’ll be here when I wake up?” Louis asks softly.

“Yeah.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” That’s the last thing Louis hears before falling asleep.

But when he wakes up, Harry is gone.

****

“And then I told her -”

“Harry?”

Harry turns his head and sees Louis standing behind him. “Who’s….who’s this?” motioning to the man sitting on the bar stool next to Harry.

“This is Steve.”

“Scott.” The tall blonde says.

“Scott. This is Scott.”

“What’s...what’s going on? I thought you were...I thought…..” Louis’ voice cracks and trails off.

“Not sure what you thought, you knew our arrangement. We were only together until something better came along. And it has.”

“Oh.”

And that’s when Harry sees it. He can literally see Louis’ heart breaking.

Harry didn’t think that it would hurt so much, seeing the look on Louis’ face. He didn’t think that it would physically hurt to see Louis come to the realization that Harry was breaking it off.

“Well, ok then. Good.....goodbye Harry.” Louis says softly, before turning towards the door. He pauses with his hand on the doorknob. Then opens it and walks out.

Harry turns his attention towards Scott, but he can’t do it. He can’t even look at this man, this man who isn’t Louis.

“Fuck.” Harry mumbles under his breath. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” He throws a twenty dollar bill on the bar and rushes after Louis.

****

“Louis! Wait! Please just wait up!”

Louis stops in the middle of the sidewalk and turns around. “What the fuck do you want from me Harry? You don’t want me. So I’m not sure what else there is to say except goodbye.”

“You. I do want you. I want only you, I’m just….I’m scared of being hurt.”

“Bull fucking shit, because from where I’m standing the only one who’s been getting hurt is me. You used me, you’ve been using me for seven fucking months and for what? So you could even the score. Break someone’s heart the way you got yours broken? How does it feel? Are you satisfied now? Will this let you sleep better at night?”

“I didn’t...that’s not….”

“Just fucking stop ok? Just stop with your stupid fucking excuses. I’m sorry that your ex hurt you. I am. It sucks and it’s horrible, but you have got to stop comparing me to him. I am not him. I’m not…I….I wouldn’t have broken your heart.”

“I know that. Now.”

“Do you? Because you keep claiming you don’t want to get hurt which leads me to believe you’ve already put up walls and guarded your heart and I don’t stand a chance do I? I won’t ever have your heart will I? It’ll never belong to me fully because there will always be this little voice in the back of your mind doubting me, waiting for me to cheat on you, waiting for me to break your heart, waiting for the other shoe to drop - all because of what your douche of an ex did to you. So you’re taking it out of me aren’t you?”

“Lou -“

“And you know something, maybe I fall too easily, fall too hard, fall too blindly. Maybe my emotions get the best of me. Maybe I’m too emotionally invested after sleeping together one time. Maybe I gave away my heart too freely. But you know something - at least I don’t fucking lie about how I really feel. I told you I wanted to be with you and if or when you figure out what you want, be sure to let me know. Oh wait, that’s right you can’t since you never even asked for my fucking phone number in all the months that we were sleeping together, not once Harry.”

Louis turns to walk away, but Harry catches his arm.

Louis turns and continues.

“And I’m sorry for falling for you. I’m sorry I broke your stupid rules. I’m sorry I ever came up to you that first night but you looked like you needed a friend. Well you know something - so did I. The night I practically fucking begged you to stay? The one that you promised you’d be there when I woke up? The one where I told you I didn’t want to be alone? That was the anniversary of my sister’s death. The one person that I loved, before you and I really needed you Harry - because sometimes, and this is gonna be a shock, sometimes the world doesn’t revolve around you.”

“I had no idea. I’m -“

“You had no idea because you don’t know anything about me. You never ask how my day is, you never even asked when my birthday was. Because we’re not supposed to get personal. Which rule was that? Seven? Twelve? I can’t keep them straight anymore because you’ve been the one blurring the lines and fucking with my head. It’s ok for you to talk about your day or your family but the second I start your mouth is on my dick or you push me against a wall. You never ask anything about me, just take what you want and leave. So congratulations, you win. You broke my heart. Now leave me alone.”

Louis tries to break free of Harry’s grasp.

“Louis, stop! Please. Just….just give me two minutes. Please, I am begging.”

“Two minutes? I’ve given you seven months Harry. What could you possibly have to say to me in two minutes that you couldn’t tell me this whole entire time we’ve been fucking?”

Harry pulls Louis in a little closer. “I love you.”

Louis starts to cry. “You asshole. Don’t you dare. Don’t just tell me what I want to hear. Just stop.”

“I can’t stop because I do. I love you. And I should’ve told you sooner, I should’ve told you the moment I knew. August 20th. We were laying on your couch watching Grease - again. And I told you I wanted to quit my job and write my novel. And you sat up and practically jumped for joy and told me that you were gonna go around to every single bookstore in DC to make sure they had copies in the windows. You told me you were proud of me and that’s when I knew. I knew that you’re it for me Louis, you are the one that I want to be with.” He takes Louis’ face into his hands, caressing his cheeks, wiping away the tears. “It’s you. You are the one that I love.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why were you flirting with that guy just now? Just tell me why.”

“Because I’m a coward. Because I was terrified. Because I was afraid you’d realize you deserve someone better. Because I vowed I would never let anyone into my heart ever again. I was broken, my heart was broken, shattered into a million pieces and I wanted it to stay that way. But then you walked up to me and you’ve been slowly putting the pieces back together. Every meal we share, every movie we watch, every time we have sex, every time you ask me to stay you put a piece back together. And I know it’ll never be the way it was before - but that’s ok, because before? It wasn’t yours. But now? Now it is. It’s yours now, Louis. My heart belongs to you and even though it’s battered and bruised, I know that you’re going to take good care of it and -“

Louis crashes his lips onto Harry’s, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck, opening his mouth for Harry, opening his heart for Hary.

Harry pulls Louis closer to him, placing his hands on the small of Louis’ back. They stand there, in the middle of the sidewalk for what seems like forever before Louis pulls away.

“You really hurt me.”

“I know and I am so sorry baby. And I will do anything and everything to make it up to you. Just tell me what to do. Anything.”

“Tell me again. Say it. Please, tell me again.”

Harry looks in Louis’ eyes and he can see it. He can see the love, he can see the vulnerability, he can see the future.

“I love you. I love you with all of my being.”

Louis brings his lips to Harry’s. “Again” he whispers.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.” Harry whispers into Louis’ mouth.

Louis pulls away. “Take me home.”

“Lou….are you...”

“I’m sure. Take me home, Harry.”

****

They walk to Louis’ apartment in silence, hand-in-hand. Louis unlocks the door and leads Harry inside. They make it to Louis’ bedroom before Harry breaks the silence.

Looking at Louis, he takes Louis’ hands in his, kissing his knuckles. “Lou?” He says softly.

“Yeah?” Louis responds, hoping that Harry hasn’t changed his mind.

“I want…” He starts, before pausing and taking a deep breath. “I want….”

Louis takes Harry’s face into his hands. “What is it baby?”

Harry closes his eyes. “I want you to fuck me.” He slowly opens them.

Louis is shocked to say the least. “We’ve never….you’ve never….Harry, are you sure?”

He nods. “I’m sure. I trust you completely and I know that you’ll be gentle and loving and I would...I would really like to feel you inside of me.”

Louis begins to cry. “Oh baby.” He brings his lips to Harry’s, running his fingers through Harry’s hair. “Are you sure? Really, really sure? Because if you’re just doing this for me -”

“Do you love me?”

“I love you with all of my heart Harry. I always have. I was just waiting for you to catch up.”

Harry smiles. “I’m a little slow, what can I say? Louis, I’m sure. I want this. I want you. I want us. Please.”

Louis lets go of Harry and takes a step back. He starts slowly undressing Harry, unbuttoning his shirt and sliding it down his arms until it hits the floor. Harry kicks off his shoes as Louis runs his fingers across Harry’s chest, leaning over to kiss his tattoos. Louis’ fingertips reach the waistband of Harry’s jeans and he unbuttons and unzips them.

Harry’s breath hitches as Louis reaches inside of his jeans and grabs his dick, which has become extremely hard at the amount of care that Louis is giving to him. He’s been gentle, just like Harry knew he would be. Harry hasn’t had anyone inside of him in an extremely long time, but he needs Louis, he trusts Louis, he loves Louis.

Louis gets on his knees in front of Harry and pulls his jeans down, taking Harry into his mouth, causing Harry to moan out and throw his head back. “Lou….”

“Right here baby. I’m right here.” Louis says before bobbing up and down, moaning as Harry runs his fingers through Louis’ hair, resting on either side of Louis’ head.

“Fuck that feels so good. But if you don’t stop, I’m gonna come.”

Louis reaches around and grabs Harry’s ass, pulling him closer until he can feel Harry deep in his throat.

“Oh fuck. Lou..”

Louis picks up the pace and he can feel Harry’s body tensing, signaling that he’s close. A few more moments and Harry is coming down Louis’ throat. “God damn baby.” He says as Louis pulls off, licking the shaft and tip and standing up.

“Lay down.” Louis tells him. Harry climbs onto the bed, laying on his back, watching as Louis begins undressing himself.

“Let me.”

Louis shakes his head. “Just lay there.” He reaches over and rummages through the nightstand drawer, pulling out what he needs, tossing them next to Harry before climbing on the bed, laying next to him and kissing him gently. “You’re sure?”

“Do you love me?”

Louis nods, “more than you know.”

“Then I’m sure.”

Louis begins placing kisses all along Harry’s jawline and chest. He pauses and kisses Harry’s heart. “This is mine” he whispers.

He reaches over and grabs the bottle of lube, opening it and drizzling some over his fingers. “Relax” he whispers as he brings a finger to Harry’s entrance, circling, before slowly and gently sliding the tip of his finger in.

Louis leans over and brings his lips close to Harry’s, hovering. “I love you” he whispers as he guides his finger all the way inside, diving into Harry’s mouth.

He feels Harry writhe underneath him, moaning. Louis thrusts his finger in and out of Harry slowly. He pulls back from their kiss and looks at Harry. “You feel amazing. Absolutely amazing. Better than I ever imagined.”

“Lou….another.”

Louis slides his finger almost all of the way out and then adds another as he thrusts them both back inside. He finger fucks Harry, twisting, scissoring and crooking them.

“Oh god…..right there….there.” Harry moans as Louis finds his spot, rubbing and placing kisses along Harry’s neck, telling him “I love you” over and over again.

“I love you and I will love you forever.” Harry says, meeting Louis’ eyes. “Another….I’m ready.”

“Har -”

“Please Lou….I’m ready and I need you so much. Please.”

Louis would do anything for Harry and so he slowly adds a third finger. “Fuck, you feel so amazing, so tight.”

“Kiss me.”

Louis leans over and kisses Harry, who slides his tongue into Louis’ mouth and runs his fingers through Louis’ hair. He can feel the tears welling up in his eyes, threatening to spill onto his cheeks.

Louis’ fingers crook and he finds Harry’s prostate, causing him to moan into Louis’ mouth. Louis feels Harry’s dick throbbing against his leg.

Harry arches his back and breaks their kiss. “Lou….I need you…..please, please fuck me.”

“I’m not going to fuck you. I’m going to make love to you.”

“Lou…” Harry can’t hold back the tears any longer. “Please.”

“Shhh, I’m right here baby.” He gently pulls his fingers out of Harry and wipes them on the sheets, grabbing the condom, opening it and rolling it onto his dick. He drizzles more lube onto his fingers and circles Harry’s entrance again.

Harry opens his legs wide for Louis, who slides in between them, then lines himself up with Harry and pushes in slowly.

They both moan and Louis pauses so that Harry can adjust. He nods when he’s ready and Louis pushes in a little bit more. Harry wraps his legs around Louis’ waist, causing Louis to slide in deeper. He bottoms out and has to take some deep breaths to stop himself from coming immediately.

Harry whines a little and Louis begins moving his hips, thrusting slowly. He leans over and captures Harry’s lips.

“Lou….I…..”

“I know baby, I know.”

They fall silent, as Louis continues pumping in and out of Harry, slowly, gently, lovingly. Louis breaks the silence. “You feel amazing baby. Taking me so well, I never knew someone could feel so amazing, but you do. You are perfect to me.”

Louis continues praising Harry as he comes between them, all over both of their stomachs. Feeling Harry clench around him, pushes Louis over the edge and he comes inside Harry a moment later.

Louis kisses Harry over and over again as they each declare their love for one another, making up for all the times they wanted to tell each other, but were too scared, too broken, too shattered. But little by little, in that room, in that bed, in that dark, they vowed to help each other put their broken pieces back together.

**Author's Note:**

> Dearest Reader,
> 
> Thank you for coming into my little corner of ao3 and choosing to read my fic(s). It means more to me that you'll ever know and I appreciate each and every one of you.
> 
> Until next time,
> 
> Melissa  
> hadtobelou on tumblr


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